Cartography of the Mind
by Free Lobster
Summary: It's all about Neville's struggles with his parents, his past, his friends, his enemies, and his own mental state.
1. Default Chapter

Please don't notice, please don't notice ****

Cartography of the Mind

by Sarah Johnson

1: Lost

_Please don't notice, please don't notice._ Neville hastily tried to block from view the blue bubbles arising from his potion as Snape stalked toward him, but he was just too small and his arms were just too skinny. Consequently, his sleeve dragged through his potion and turned white. Snape smiled wickedly.

"Longbottom, I do believe that you heard me say that a purple froth was supposed to ensue from your potion, and not blue bubbles, did you not?" Neville shook his head ruefully. "You added too many gecko toes. Your potion is an Ever-lasting Perfume Potion, instead of a Stench-Reducing Potion. Now that sickly odor will follow those robes forever. It will never wash out and anytime you wear those robes, you will smell exactly as that potion does now, making even more people desire to be away from you."

The Slytherins tittered unpleasantly as Malfoy took a huge sniff of the air and pretended to choke, even though he was across the room. Why did everything go wrong in Potions? And why was it in this class that Neville's typical exhaustion always kicked in? Neville looked sadly at the white splotches on his sleeves and wondered why the school uniform had to be so hard to manage. He glanced over at Hermione, who was looking sympathetically at him, and noticed that her robes fit fine on her. Then he remembered that his robes didn't fit because he was too small and always had been. He turned back to Hermione, told her that he was okay and then went back to hating himself. 

* * *

Neville walked slowly from the dungeons once Potions was over, thankful for it to be the weekend, when he wouldn't have to endure hateful taunts and teasing from Slytherins or embarrassing exasperation from his teachers. Neville hated classes. He hated the teachers and he hated the Slytherins. Even Herbology was torture, as it was always right after Transfiguration and he couldn't help but relive those horrible hours when surrounded by the solitude of plant-life.

Suddenly Neville was torn from his woeful thoughts as Hermione ran up to him, followed by Harry and Ron, both out of breath. He looked up at her, her face flushed pink from running.

"Hey, Neville, I'm sorry about today. I should have told you about the gecko toes. You were busy cleaning up the flobberworm broth that you spilled at the beginning of the class and you didn't get to hear how many toes."

"No, no, it's okay. It's not your fault. I should have been listening—"

"Don't let Snape make you think that it's your fault," Harry cut in. Neville liked Harry a lot. He was always so nice.

"Yeah. He's just trying to make you look like a fool so he didn't tell you, even though he knew you didn't hear. He's just a big dumb jerk," Ron said angrily. Ron was great. He was a funny guy and his loyalty was extremely noticeable even to someone like Neville who was only a part-time side-kick.

"Let's go get some dinner, okay?" Hermione suggested.

"I'm not hungry," Neville said. "Actually, I would just like to go to bed."

Ron looked at him in amazement. "But it's just five o'clock!"

"Yeah…" Neville replied. "But I didn't get much sleep last night and I am dead tired. Potions wore me out." The truth was that he hadn't gotten any sleep at all the night before. He had lain awake, thinking about his parents as he did many nights while at Hogwarts. "I'll eat breakfast with you tomorrow, okay?" he told them.

"Okay, but you have to," Hermione said doubtfully.

"I promise I will," Neville said, and then he headed up the stairs to Gryffindor Tower while the others headed to the Great Hall.

Neville hurried off, remembering to jump the disappearing step and when he got to the Fat Lady, he had to wait for a few moments before Seamus showed up and gave him the password.

Once in the dormitory, Neville threw the smelly robes he was wearing into his trunk and pulled on his pajamas, thankful for the built-in fluffy feet as it was very cold in the stone room. Quietly, he hopped into bed, pulled the curtains about him, and almost immediately dropped off to sleep.

__

"It smells funny in here, Gran," Neville says, taking his grandmother's hand in his own.

"Don't worry about it, Neville," she replies.

"Where are we going? Where are Mommy and Daddy?"

"We're going to see them, Neville."

"Oh." Neville sticks the side of his hand in his mouth and chews, performing one of his childhood habits which he failed to break before his current age of three.

Soon they reach a witch sitting in a chair, who tiredly waves them on with her hand. They walk down another sterile corridor, Neville's grandmother's high heels clacking loudly on the tile floor. They come to the end of that hall and turn down yet another, this one lined with windows made out of fake glass. Neville is too small to see in any of them, but he can hear sobbing and screaming coming from some of the rooms beyond the windows. They walk nearly to the end of the hall where a wizard wearing white robes meets them and checks something off on the clipboard he holds.

"Right in there, ma'am," he says courteously, gesturing to the window nearest him. The room behind the window is silent. Neville's grandmother peers inside. Her mouth thins into a line, and her blank expression hardens.

Neville looks around. Above the window is a sign with letters on it, but he can't read. "Gran," he says, tugging on her dress. "Gran, what does that up there say?" He points to the sign.

"It says 'Frank Longbottom and wife', Neville," she says shakily.

"Oh." Neville thinks for a moment. "That's Mommy and Daddy, isn't it?"

His grandmother nods. "Would he like to see, ma'am?" the man in the white robes asks. Neville's grandmother nods again. The man walks away for a moment and returns with a step ladder. He sets it down in front of the window.

Neville's grandmother takes his hand and leads him up the first step, and then the next, until he reaches the top of the ladder and can see in. Inside he sees a man and a woman. The man has light brown hair and is laying on the floor with his eyes wide, and his arms and feet flailing. The woman has what must have been beautiful long blonde hair, but now is tangled and matted and plastered to her head with sweat. She is sitting down with her legs crossed the wrong way, her arms wrapped around herself, rocking back and forth. She appears to be mumbling. Neville presses his nose against the fraudulent glass, confused.

"Why are they in there? Why is Mommy's hair all messed up? Why is Daddy kicking like that? What's wrong with them? Can I go talk to them?" Neville asks, turning quickly to his grandmother and nearly falling off the ladder.

His grandmother looks at the man with the white robes, who nods and begins to walk the rest of the way down the corridor. Neville's grandmother grasps his hand and leads him down the passage after the man. They reach a door at the end and they go through. An empty white room allows them to do a U-turn and they go through a different door, and down a different hall. 

This one is lined with doors with great large handles and complicated-looking lock systems. They come to one with a small card on the door which says 'Longbottom'. It has a little window, which the man looks through before pulling out his wand and tapping the lock. It clicks and he opens the door, walking inside. Neville and his grandmother follow.

The man and woman don't seem to notice their entrance. The woman continues to rock and the man continues to kick.. Neville steps uncertainly towards his mother. The floor is like a pillow, soft and buoyant. Neville takes another step. He bounces. "Gran!" he cries. "It's like a trampoline!" Neville bounces up and down for a while, enjoying himself, before he remembers his mother.

"Mommy!" he cries, and runs to the woman, flinging his arms around her. "Mommy, I've missed you!" She does nothing, except go on rocking back and forth. Neville pulls away from her, and brushes the hair out of her face. "Mommy? Mommy, what's wrong? What's wrong Mommy?" he asks, his voice getting more and more worried. He lets go of her and runs to his father. "Daddy, what's wrong with Mommy? Daddy, what's wrong with you? What's wrong with you? Wake up, wake up!" Neville shoves his father, and he rolls over, his eyes wide and blank. The corner of his mouth droops and a thin trickle of blood seeps out.

"Oh no, he bit his tongue!" the man with the white robes says. Neville starts to cry and continues to push on his father. The wizard with the white robes runs forward and pulls Neville away, then points his wand at Neville's father's mouth. The bite along his tongue heals up, but he does not stir. His eyes remain wide.

Neville runs to the wizard and starts to pound his little fists on his back. "Leave him alone, leave my Daddy alone! Let me see him! Get away!" he shrieks. His grandmother is crying silently now as she steps forward and picks up Neville. He continues to kick and scream and cry, but his grandmother keeps him from getting away. "Let me go, Gran! Let me see my mommy and my daddy! Leave them alone!" Neville looks longingly at his parents.. "What's wrong with them?"

Neville awoke with a start. Quickly he clamped his mouth shut to keep from shouting but he immediately opened his mouth again and screamed at the top of his lungs. He had been chewing on the side of his hand and he had shut his mouth so fast that his teeth had broken the skin. Neville cradled his bitten hand, more to keep the blood off the sheets than because it hurt.

Without warning his curtains were thrown back. It was Harry. He climbed in and sat cross-legged on the bed in front of Neville.

"What's wrong?" he said, looking curiously at Neville.

"Nothing," Neville said hurriedly. "Did the others wake up?"

Harry shook his head and Neville noticed that he didn't have his glasses on. "Ron rolled over, Dean snorted and Seamus mumbled something, but I'm the only one who woke up." Harry looked at Neville's bleeding hand and then back up at his face. "Did you have a bad dream?"

"Yeah…" Neville said distractedly. "Yeah, I did."

"What about?" Harry persisted.

"Nothing in particular."

"Was it about your parents?" 

Neville looked up at Harry, startled. "Wh—what?"

"I…I know about them, Neville," Harry said, looking uncomfortable. "I saw the trial of the people who tortured them…it's kind of hard to explain how. I saw Dumbledore's thoughts." 

"Y—y-you know?" Neville said faintly.

"Yeah. I'm sorry if you didn't want me to. Is that what you were dreaming about?"

Neville nodded. "I dream about them all the time. I always relive the first time I went and visited them, when I was three."

Harry nodded knowingly. "I dream about my parents too. I did before I even knew about how they died."

"H-h-harry, c-can we not talk about m-my parents, p-please?" Neville stammered, suddenly realizing that he was about to cry and didn't want Harry to see. Harry smiled.

"Sure Neville. I understand. I think I'm going to try and go back to sleep."

"Me too."

"Goodnight, Neville."

"Night, Harry"

Harry crawled out of the gap in the curtains as Neville laid down. But he didn't fall asleep. In fact, he didn't sleep any more that night, and got up only once Harry, Ron, Dean and Seamus had all left. Quietly, he pulled a picture out of his trunk. It was of a man with brown hair, a woman with blonde hair, and a blonde baby. The baby was asleep, but the man and woman were both looking solemnly out of the frame, their blue eyes filled with tears. Neville looked at the picture for a long time before he put it carefully back in his trunk, changed into his robes and headed to breakfast.

When he got into the Great Hall, a loud chatter was buzzing and instantly Neville's head began to hurt. He saw Harry, Ron and Hermione sitting with Ginny Weasley and began to walk to them when Draco Malfoy leapt nimbly in front of him and began to choke, sinking slowly to the ground. Neville considered him a moment before deciding to ignore him. He made to step over him but Malfoy suddenly grabbed the hem of his robes. Neville's feet flew over his head and as some Ravenclaw girl walked by, his feet hit the cup she was carrying and splattered orange juice all over him. She was knocked off her feet and landed painfully on her backside.

Malfoy burst out laughing before stalking back to Crabbe and Goyle, who were both guffawing. The girl who was carrying the orange juice stood up carefully and offered Neville a hand, which he gratefully took.

"Hi!" she said, her long brown bangs swinging and hitting her shoulders. The rest of her hair was done up in an intricate bun. "I'm Adeline Liveque. I'm sorry about your robes. I s'pose you'll have to go change, huh. What's your name?" She spoke very fast as Neville listened, aware that she was familiar. He knew he had met her but where he did not remember.

"Uh, Neville," he said, coming abruptly out of his daze. "Neville Longbottom." He blushed slightly as he always did when he said his last name. A confused look passed over her face before she pasted her good-natured grin back on.

"Nice to meet you!" she said, brightly. Neville was not fooled. Something was wrong with this girl. Her smile might have stretched to her ears but her blue-green eyes were the opposite of friendly.

She glared at Malfoy's retreating back, the antipathy in her eyes growing deeper still. "I don't like him. He's rather rude. Well, I had better go. Sorry about your robes. Talk to you later!" Again, she was talking very fast and over her shoulder as she walked away.

Neville stood for a moment, wondering where he had met her. He certainly didn't know her from school and he couldn't remember anything from his past before that…Neville hammered his brain, trying to recall but he couldn't. All that he could remember was that her syrupy sweetness was very obviously not her true personality. The hatred she had shown in her eyes, especially when looking at Malfoy disclosed that her smile was forced.

Suddenly, Ron came running up to Neville, waving his hand and trying to stop him. "Neville!" he was yelling. "Wait! I'll come with you!" Neville stopped as Ron ran towards him and pulled level. "I saw what happened and I just thought I'd come with you so you're not always alone. Who was that girl you were talking to?"

"Her name's Adeline. She's a Ravenclaw," he said, glad to have a friend to talk to.

"Okay." Ron gave a yawn. "I'm so glad it's the weekend," he said, stretching his arms high above his head. "I'm sure you are too. You and Herm both look close to nervous collapse. She takes her prefect responsibilities so seriously! She's almost as bad as Percy was!" By now they had reached the Fat Lady. Ron looked expectantly at Neville before throwing his hands up. "Don't tell me you've forgotten it again! It's 'purple truffle'." 

The portrait swung open as Neville and Ron climbed through and up to the dormitory. Once Ron shut the door behind him, Neville pulled his orange-juice soaked robes over his head and threw them into his open trunk. He promptly donned clean ones, and then hurried back down to the Great Hall with Ron.

When they got in, the noise was less and Neville's head did not hurt. Fewer people were there, and as they made their way toward the Gryffindor table, Neville and Ron both stopped dead.

Adeline was sitting at the Gryffindor table, talking animatedly to Harry, who was seemingly enraptured. Hermione was eating without looking up and Ginny was sitting sulkily on the other side of Harry.

"What's she doing here? She's a Ravenclaw," Ron said, eyeing Adeline angrily.

Adeline turned slowly to Ron and gave a weak detestful smile. "I'm talking to my friend!" she said in mock innocence.

"That's where I was sitting…" Ron half-whined.

"Not anymore. You can sit over there by Herm-ee-oh-nay," she said, stumbling over Hermione's name.

Hermione didn't look up. "This is my table!" Ron said defensively. "And her name's Hermione."

Adeline smiled hatefully at him again. "I don't see your name on it." Her smile flickered slightly as she glanced at Hermione and they caught a glimpse of her expression underneath. It was pure loathing. "And I don't care what her name is."

Ron growled but sat down beside Hermione on the other side of the table. Neville sat next to Ginny, across from Hermione. Harry immediately went back to listening to Adeline while Ron pulled a dish of sausages to him and began to eat. Neville turned to Ginny.

"What's wrong?" he asked tentatively.

Ginny turned huffily towards him. "Your little friend has decided to steal Harry away from us!"

"Hey Gin, why's she here?" Ron asked behind his hand.

"She came looking for you, Neville, and she met Harry and he appears head over heels," she said, crossing her arms.

"Aw, poor Gin-Gin jealous?" Ron cooed.

Ginny glared. "You saw how she treated you! She was even ruder to Hermione and me!"

"Jeez, just kidding, lil sis." Ron reached across the table and patted her arm, then turned to Hermione. "You're being quiet Herm. What's up?"

Hermione finally lifted her head from her food and they saw that she had been crying. Ron leaned over and put his arms around her, rocking back and forth. Neville was suddenly reminded of his mother. "Oh Hermione…what's wrong?" Ron asked soothingly.

Hermione pulled away from Ron and wiped her eyes. "It's…it's…it's her!" she managed to shout in a voice that rang through the Great Hall, silencing all who were speaking. Hermione's quivering hand pointed accusingly at Adeline, who giggled. "She hates me because I'm a better student than her and because I'm a prefect and she can't be one, so she's taking it out on me!"

Fred and George who were still at the table got up and walked over, stopping behind Adeline. "You can't sit here. This is the Gryffindor table," Fred said.

Adeline twisted around in her chair and looked up at the twins, blinking as though disbelieving. "So…?" she drawled in a voice not unlike Malfoy's.

George grabbed the back of her chair and lifted it up, causing Adeline to slip out onto the floor. "So move," he said meanly. 

Calmly, she stood up, dusted herself off and smiled painfully. "Fine, I will." She picked her cloak up off the floor, leaned over and kissed Harry on the cheek. This made Ron, Ginny and Hermione so mad that when they stood up their chairs all skidded noisily in unison. Harry's mouth dropped open and his eyes widened, making him look ecstatic. "Bye, Harry!" Adeline said singingly, and she skipped off. They could here her mumbling to herself as she walked away. "…big mean 7th years, picking on a poor lil 4th year…"

Hermione glared angrily after her. "Harry, you're just lapping her up!"

Harry stood up, equally as angry. "You're just jealous!" he yelled at her.

Ron looked incredulously at Harry. "A 4th year? A 4th year Ravenclaw? A 4th year Ravenclaw you just met is who you're mooning over? A 4th year Ravenclaw you just met is who you're yelling at Hermione for?"

"What's wrong with 4th years?" Ginny asked, hurt.

"Not all 4th years. He just means her," Neville supplied. Ron nodded earnestly. "Besides," Neville continued, "I think everyone would like Harry to get with you versus anyone else at Hogwarts."

Ginny smiled. "Aw, thanks Neville!" She leaned forward to give him a friendly hug and Neville clumsily hugged her back. Neville was glad to have Ginny, his one friend who was always ready to talk to him.

Harry turned away from Ron and Ron scoffed. "You're so stubborn sometimes Harry. How can you let someone you just met be so rude to your friends of 5 years?"

"Y—you're just jealous!" he yelled again.

"Honestly, is that all you can think of?" Ron asked, putting his head down and looking up at Harry.

"Shut up! Shut up you moron! You're just jealous because you're a freaking pauper!" Harry shouted, losing it.

"Don't you dare speak to him like that!" Hermione yelled, standing up and brandishing her fork at him. She was angrier than Neville had ever seen her. "You can yell at me all you want but not at Ron! He has done so much for you, and this is how you repay him? You leave him alone!" Her anger spent, Hermione sat down and crossed her arms, scowling.

"Harry," Neville began gently, but Harry broke in.

"You shut up too! Why don't you go cry about your parents or something!" he spat.

Hermione looked horrified. Neville wasn't hurt, just…shocked. Harry had been so nice that morning when he had awoken from his dream and now…this.

"What are you talking about?" Hermione asked vehemently.

"His parents, they're…" For one terrifying moment Neville was afraid that Harry would reveal his deepest secret, the thing that he had never told a single soul in his entire life. Thankfully, Harry didn't. "Ask him," he said, sitting back in his chair, a look of slight amusement on his face. "Go ahead, ask him."

Hermione looked confusedly at Neville. "Neville, what is he talking about? What about you're parents? Why did you get brought up by your grandmother?"

Neville couldn't speak. All words caught in his throat. Harry gave a cold, dry laugh. 

"See?" he said vindictively. "He can't talk about it because he's too _sensitive_." His tone raised in pretend warning. "Be careful! He might burst into tears at any moment!" He laughed delightedly at Neville's look of utter confusion.

Hermione pursed her lips and turned to Harry. "Why? Why Harry? Why do you want to hurt us?"

Harry looked uncertainly around for a moment, anger on his face, before without a word, he stood up and traversed the Great Hall, sitting down at the Ravenclaw table with Adeline. Adeline looked overjoyed as she picked up her conversation with Harry, using her hands and animate facial expression while Harry watched, captivated.

"I knew it. I knew it would happen," Ron muttered, more to himself than anyone else.   
"I knew one of us would crack and run away. I shoulda suspected him."

Hermione remained silent but Neville noticed fresh tears streaming down her cheeks. Ginny watched Harry for about three minutes before she too began to cry. Neville began to eat quietly, trying not to think about what Harry had said to him.

Suddenly, Ron broke the silence, making everyone jump. "Let's go do something, guys. Take a walk or the like, and get our mind off that…that…" Ron trailed off, too angry to continue.

Everyone nodded in silent agreement. They stood up and walked outside, beginning their slow walk around the grounds.

But it wasn't the same without Harry. Ron had no one to talk about Quidditch with and without him there, Ginny was the one who had to keep Hermione and Ron from killing each other. But another strange thing was that they didn't really need to be kept apart. A great transformation had overtaken them after their hug that morning, and they seemed to _want_ to be together. They walked side by side and when Hermione slipped on the damp shore of the lake and Ron caught her hand to keep her from falling, he didn't let go, nor did Hermione. Neville and Ginny followed them for awhile, trying to ignore their cuddling, but once they reached the forest and Ron sat down, pulling Hermione down next to him Ginny had had enough. There were only some things that you can do while standing up, but both Ginny and Neville knew that whatever Ron and Hermione could do while sitting down, they did not want to see.

Together but still silent, Ginny and Neville traipsed back up to the castle and sat on a bench in the gardens.

"It's not fair!" Ginny burst out suddenly after a few minutes of silence. 

Neville knew exactly what she was talking about, but he asked anyways. "What's not?"

"Everyone else has got a boyfriend or a girlfriend but I haven't, so I just sit there like a dumb idiot while they hold hands and kiss and stuff."

"Not like a dumb idiot. And I haven't got a girlfriend," Neville replied, immediately mad at himself for unintentionally sounding hopeful.

Thankfully, Ginny took it the way Neville had intended it. "So you know how I feel, huh!" Neville nodded. "I wish I had a boyfriend," she concluded sadly.

Suddenly, an unwanted drawling voice came from a bush near them. "Well Ginny dear, Potter doesn't have a girlfriend." Ginny and Neville's heads slowly turned as Malfoy stood up from behind a bush. "I'm sure he wouldn't mind going out with a child. He hangs out with them. I mean, look at Longbottom. He's a year older than you but still a head shorter."

Neville didn't say anything. He knew that almost always Malfoy would go away if ignored. Sadly, Ginny had not yet learned this. "Well if we're so insignificant then why were you spying on us?"

"Spying?" Draco gave an inimical laugh. "Sure, you caught me. But I wasn't spying on you."

"Well who were you spying on, then?" Ginny replied, her voice dripping with cold hatred.

"Them." Malfoy pointed. They followed his hand and saw a bench just like theirs on the other side of another bush. Sitting on it were Harry and Adeline. Adeline was doing something extremely strange to Harry. She seemed to be chanting while waving her hand slowly in front of his face. It was like nothing Neville had ever seen, nothing involving peculiar hand movements was taught at Hogwarts, and he had a notion that it was not permitted. Harry's eyes were shut and his head was lolling, making him look as if in a trance. Draco laughed unpleasantly. "Sorry, Weasley, I guess he does have one now."

"What are you spying on them for?" Ginny inquired.

"I've a pretty good idea that that's not allowed, so if they get caught, they might chuck Potter and that bitch out!" Malfoy was speaking with the trace of happiness in his voice that he used when he spoke of bad things happening to good people.

"What've you got against Adeline?" Ginny asked, intrigued.

Malfoy's face twisted into a bitter grimace. "She, uh, she and I, well we…" he trailed off and then shook his head briskly. "None of your business!" he said firmly.

Ginny gave him a skeptical look before remembering the problem at hand. "I'm going to stop them!" she said worriedly. "Adeline's going to hurt Harry!" After hurtling the small bush separating the two benches, she tackled Adeline, followed quickly by Neville, who propped Harry on a tree when he fell over unconscious.

Suddenly, a blinding flash lit the area and Ginny rolled off of Adeline, also unconscious. "What did you do to them?" Neville demanded angrily.

Adeline waved her hand impatiently. "They'll wake up in a few minutes.

"What were you doing to Harry?" Neville persisted, amazed at his own temerity.

"I was trying to give him what he always wanted. His parents."

Neville looked awe-struck at her, completely confused. "But Harry's parents are…well…dead."

Adeline smiled sagely, but her eyes remained cold. "Death is not as final as you think. Do you realize," she continued, stepping forward and cradling his cheek. "that I can give you your deepest desire?"

Neville's thoughts flitted again to his mother. He, like Harry, just wanted his parents back. But the story of the Longbottoms was not widely known. Only a few at Hogwarts knew about their mental condition and current whereabouts, and Neville couldn't think of how Adeline could know. She couldn't give him his deepest desire. He couldn't make his parents sane any more than he could make Harry's parents live again. She was wrong. Death was completely final. No spell could alter it.

Neville jerked out of her reach. "What do I matter to you?" he said fiercely.

Adeline floated behind him and ran her forefinger under his chin. "I can give you what you want." Neville thought again of his parents and for one fleeting moment, wondered if Adeline really could give him what he desired. But how could she know? "I can see it. Your heart's desire is that…" She trailed off, her eyes closed, apparently in a deep reverie. Then her eyes snapped open and she smiled warmly again. "You want to be taller." 

Neville laughed, and stepped out of her reach once again. "You fraud. You charlatan. You don't know my deepest desire. You don't know anything about me! You just met me!" The earlier certainty that he had previously known her swam into his thoughts but Neville tried to ignore it. "All that you're doing is acting in a creepy manner. You may have Harry figured out, but you will never, ever get me." Neville blinked, once more astonished at the audacity he had just displayed. "Go away. Go away and leave my friends alone."

Adeline looked surprised too but soon recovered herself. A disdainful smile seeped onto her face. "I haven't just met you," she said softly yet spitefully. "And I 'get' you. Don't you remember me, Neville?" She stepped forward once again and ran her hand down the side of his face. "Sweet, innocent Neville. You've blocked me from your thoughts, haven't you?" Unexpectedly, she leaned forward and kissed him gently. "You remember that, don't you?" she asked, almost inaudibly.

Adeline stepped back and watched Neville carefully. He was breathless. Neville couldn't remember ever being kissed, and certainly not like _that_. If he couldn't remember, then how could it have possibly have happened? How could she expect him to forget something like that? Neville couldn't think of a single time he had ever been kissed before that. Who would have kissed him? He was shorter than everyone in his year, and he had very few close friends anyways. No, he was positive. He didn't truly know Adeline. Maybe he had seen her somewhere sometime, he told himself, but he had definitely never kissed her.

Suddenly, Neville was brought out of his daze as Ron and Hermione came crashing into the clearing. "Leave!" Ron shouted at Adeline and without a backward glance she turned on her heel and left. Hermione ran to Ginny and stooped next to her, seemingly checking her pulse and as soon as Adeline was gone, Ron walked over to Harry. Neville approached him.

"Hey, thanks a lot Ron. I said some pretty dumb stuff to her back there…I should have known that she could have hurt me."

Ron looked up, a caring look on his face. "No Neville, we were watching and you said some pretty brave stuff to her back there. You just showed why you're in Gryffindor. You stood up for you friends, and you stood up to someone much bigger than you. _I_ thank _you_."

Neville blushed, and bent down to help Ron with Harry. Together they lifted him up and put him on the bench, then they helped Hermione rest Ginny on the ground beside him.

"She said they'd wake up in a few minutes. I guess we just wait…" And sure enough, after about two minutes, Harry stirred and then Ginny about thirty seconds later. They both sat up, dazed but in a few minutes they had been filled in on what had happened.

Unanimously, they decided to head back to the Gryffindor common room. All the trip up and sometime into Hermione and Ron's chess match Harry apologized and apologized for how he had acted. Neville sat and watched while everything around him changed and evolved like it did everyday. He was on the sidelines, watching everything happen. He thought about himself and was sad. Nothing was ever perfect. Sure, life wasn't but everyone else had those times in which everything was like they wanted it. Neville didn't. He was never where it was perfect. There were too many things wrong with him. He wasn't ever good enough. He was always too small or too stupid or too trivial or too something else. He had nowhere to be. Neville was lost.


	2. Incomplete

The Wish of the World

2: Incomplete

__

"So your parents…they're…"

"Yeah."

"That's so sad. Do you ever see them?"

"On Christmas and stuff."

"That's good. I bet they enjoy it."

"They don't recognize me."

"Oh…I'm sorry…"

"It's okay…at least they're still alive."

"I guess so…so do they…you know…wear straight-jackets and stuff?"

"No."

"Oh."

Long pause.

"Do they…live in a padded room or whatever?"

"Yeah."

"Do they look funny?"

"No."

"I bet they do."

"How would you know?"

Long pause.

"I bet they do, and they did before."

"Why would you say something like that?"

"Because I know how to hurt you."

"What?"

"That's your weak point. I can tell. I can tell stuff like that. If I ever wanted you to do something for me, then all I would have to do would be to talk about your parents."

Long pause.

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do. I'll prove it. Kiss me."

"No. I don't want to kiss you."

"I'll tell other kids."

"You'll tell other kids what?"

"About your parents."

"Why would you do that? I trusted you."

"You don't know what trust is. And I want you to kiss me."

"No, I won't."

"Draco!"

"No, don't!"

"Kiss me."

"No."

"Draco! Come here!"

"Yeah?"

"Did you know that Neville's parents are crazy?"

"Wow, really? That would explain what a little dork he is!"

"Bye Draco!"

"Why did you do that?"

"Because I want you to kiss me."

"I don't want to."

"I'll tell the next kid who comes by."

"No, don't. Please."

"Kiss me and I won't."

"No."

"Then I will."

"No."

"Kiss me."

Long pause.

"Fine."

Kissing.

"Mm…you're yummy."

Silence.

"Will you be my boyfriend?"

"No."

"I want you to be my boyfriend."

"Too bad."

"I'll tell someone about your parents."  
"You won't."

"I will. Be my boyfriend."

"No."

"I really will tell."

Mumbling.

"What?"

"I said fine, I'll be your boyfriend."

"Of course you will. You'll do anything. You're my slave now. Ha ha, hear that? You're my slave!"

Neville blinked slowly. He had just woken up from another memory-dream. He had been six at the time, when his grandmother had had to leave him with a baby-sitter during the day. Other children were there and one girl had asked him about his parents. He had told her and she had been less than compassionate towards him. 

After a moment of thought, Neville remembered who the girl from his dream was. It was Adeline. So that was where he knew her from…and that was the kiss he was supposed to remember. He guessed he had just blocked it from his thought and he had forgotten.

Suddenly, memories came flooding back to Neville. He had had to go to the baby-sitter almost everyday until he was seven. That was also where he had first met Draco Malfoy. Malfoy had always picked on him because he was small and was Adeline's friend. Malfoy liked Adeline, but didn't understand that Neville was not Adeline's friend by choice. Neville hated her. Slowly, Draco had become good friends with Adeline, and Neville ended up being dragged along. Everyone else saw them as the infamous trio. No one knew that on the inside, Neville was breaking. Hateful comments about his parents were evident in every conversation. Neville had kissed Adeline and she made sure everyone knew that she was his girlfriend. Neville hated her and Draco, and he longed for real friends, but no one would talk to him because they thought that he was like the rest of his 'gang'.

So Adeline really did know about his parents. She was the only one he had ever told…after that experience he kept the knowledge inside. Thankfully, Adeline had told precious few, amounting to Draco and a boy named Benjamin, who Neville still saw some. But still, Draco knew. Everyone always told him to fight back against Malfoy, but he couldn't, for fear that he would reveal his secret. 

Neville wondered to himself if Benjamin remembered. He was in Ravenclaw and never acknowledged Neville's presence. This surprised Neville in that Benjamin was his one and only true friend during childhood. Benjamin had been his refuge from Adeline and Draco. Adeline could control Neville, but Benjamin would save him. Adeline had tried to sway Benjamin to her side, by telling him about Neville's parents. She had hoped that he would think Neville strange and not want to be friends with him but on the contrary, he had immediately stood by him and defended him. Benjamin was obsessive-compulsive. One would think that this was a problem easily solved in the magical world, but no cure had been found and Benjamin continued to wash his hands without being able to stop. It was terrible to watch in a place where almost anything else had a remedy, especially when it was something so stupid and pointless.

Neville missed Benjamin. He had not yet since had a true friend such as Benjamin had been. When Adeline had torn him, shredded him so that he was like shattered glass, Benjamin would piece him back together. When Neville had been berated about the mental condition of his mother and father, Benjamin would keep him human. No one but Benjamin knew how he was aching inside, how he felt see-through because of his inability to control his expressions, how he hated Adeline and how he was dead inside. No one knew, and no one understood, except Benjamin. Neville was dead. Some days he felt like he had nothing to live for, nothing in his future that he wanted to continue on for, but on other days he felt like all that could be ahead were bright skies and sunny fields. Neville was a manic-depressant at the age of six. Neville was strange, and no one understood except Benjamin.

Neville had changed. When he was seven he no longer went to the baby-sitter. He forgot about Adeline and Draco but never about Benjamin. Neville was no longer depressed. He had grown out of all mental illness, had left that behind with his teddy bears and forgotten dreams of the past. But Neville was still dead inside. He needed a friend, he needed help that he could go to only one person for. One person alone could mend the hurt that lived inside him. Neville needed Benjamin.

Silently, and stealthily Neville crept out of bed and into the common room. Crookshanks was curled up in a chair by the fire, apparently asleep, his loud purrs echoing around the empty room. Quickly Neville went out of the common room and slinked down into the Great Hall. The four large house tables loomed hauntingly at him through the darkness which was broken by the moonlight that came through the thin windows and fell in pools on the floor. The unlit candelabras at each table looking like golden spider webs and all the plates and silverware gleamed with every step Neville took. There he stopped, unable to continue without knowing where the Ravenclaw room was.

Fool, Neville told himself. How did you think you were going to get there? Neville turned back around to head up to his own common room when a call from one of the large tables made him stop.

"Neville?" it called hoarsely. Neville slowly turned on his heel to find a boy of about 15 with light brown hair and ashen eyes looking at him from the Ravenclaw table. At the moment, his face was furrowed with what looked like worry. His arms were folded in front of him on the table and he was hunched forward as if he had had his head in his arms and just looked up.

"Benjamin?" Neville asked uncertainly.

The boy stood slowly up and walked forward, his glasses glinting as he stepped through each strip of moonlight. "What are you doing here in the middle of the night?" His frown wrinkled further.

"I was…I was coming to find you."

"And I, you," Benjamin replied, looking at the ground.

Neville appeared surprised. "What…why?"

Benjamin looked up from the ground and into Neville's eyes. "Because I saw Adeline. She's here and I think she's scheming something, and knowing Adeline, it's something sinister." Benjamin sighed deeply, looking thoroughly relieved to have said that. Neville noticed how incredibly tired he looked and how the aura he gave off was of pure despondency. "I didn't remember who she was until just a few minutes ago…I woke up from the dream I was having about her and I had to warn you."

"Yeah, me too. I had a dream…about when I first told her about my parents…I've had the dream before, but I just re-met Adeline yesterday and realized that it was her that I was dreaming about."

Benjamin smiled, his anxiety-ridden face undergoing a profound transformation. The lines eased their way out of his forehead and eyes and he was to be seen as incredibly handsome. No one would have guessed of the turmoil that was constantly underway in his mind. "Neville, I'm sorry I've ignored you all these years. I haven't forgotten you…I've just been afraid to revisit the past."

"I haven't forgotten you, Benjamin," Neville said simply.

"So are we friends again?" Benjamin asked tentatively.

"Of course." Neville grinned, and Benjamin returned it.

At that moment they both started and ducked below a table as Filch walked in. Mrs. Norris stalked around the staff table before returning to Filch and departing with him, leaving Neville and Benjamin slightly shaken. They looked at each other and agreed silently. If they stayed out much longer they were likely to get in trouble as it was the middle of the night, so they decided to go back to bed and meet the next day.

"Tomorrow is Sunday. Meet me in the gardens at noon. We have to talk," Neville had instructed.

Benjamin smiled again. "Okay. Tomorrow," he said and ran down a hallway Neville had never been down before. Neville sighed, looking wistfully after him before returning to his own room and falling into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

When Neville woke up he felt horrible. Some of his old depression was coming back, perhaps with the memories of Adeline and Benjamin, and Neville hated himself. He hated himself because of how depressed he was. He saw no reason for him to be sad; he wasn't some tragic little hero. His parents were still alive. He wasn't a Muggle and he had friends, so he could discern no excuse for his dejection. But did he have friends? He had Harry, Ron and Hermione but they seemed fine without him, so it was a pretty much one-sided having. Ginny was always there for him, but sometimes it was tough telling her anything since she was a girl one year younger than him. He needed a friend, a boy that he could tell everything and not expect female cynicism from. 

But still, Neville felt that there was no logic behind his melancholy. He would not pity himself, and in fact always ended up hating himself more. He couldn't help it. A part of him that he desperately needed was missing, and without it, he was sad.

Alone, Neville walked to the Great Hall that morning, trying hard to conceal his excitement about the rendezvous with Benjamin later that day. He sat down to breakfast with Ginny and Hermione and was soon joined by Ron and Harry. Harry apologized once again for his behavior the previous day before trying to explain what he had felt when Adeline had taken control. Neville listened only slightly, nibbling at his toast and glancing around the Great Hall for a sign of Benjamin, but he wasn't there, nor did he appear at all during breakfast.

It was eleven o'clock by the time they headed back up to Gryffindor Tower. Ordinarily at this time Neville was wondering what he was going to do with himself throughout the rest of the day, but today he was impatiently awaiting twelve o'clock. He sat by the fire with them like usual, smiled at Ron's jokes like usual, nodded when Harry mentioned him like usual, responded to Ginny's questions like usual but unlike usual he failed to allow Hermione to engage him in the conversation. He just couldn't handle the apprehension any longer.

Neville stood up, explained that he was going to take a walk so that he could think, and quickly exited. Nearly running, he went down the stairs and outdoors to the gardens, where he stopped, gasping for breath. He looked around for Benjamin and soon found him, but was less than happy.

Benjamin was sitting on the same bench that Harry and Adeline had been on the previous day and wore an expression exactly as Harry had. Adeline sat in front of him, chanting and waving her hand like she had done to Harry. Neville watched as she stopped, tilted forward and kissed him delicately. Benjamin didn't kiss her back; he didn't even respond, but when Adeline pulled back she looked utterly thrilled.

"Get off of him!" Neville shouted, stepping forward. Adeline's head snapped to look at him, her eyes narrowed angrily.

"Go away," she said irritably.

"No! I said leave him alone!" Neville yelled back.

"You don't know what you're dealing with. He enjoys this, don't you Benji?" Benjamin nodded dully.

"So you're going for Benjamin now, huh," Neville said detestably. "What made you give up on Harry? Or me?"

Adeline regarded him, hate written across her face. "You stopped me. I bet you're high and mighty now. You stopped me once, yeah, but you can't stop me again. I just administered it. The seal-binding kiss. You witnessed it, also. Too bad you're too stupid to stop me."

Neville's hands clenched into fists. "Don't call me stupid. You know me better than that."

Adeline gave a small wicked smile. "So now you remember me. I certainly remember you. You gave up, Neville. You gave up. You stopped fighting. You let it take you, you let depression take you. You're too weak, I know, I can tell. I told you that you were my slave. Don't you remember? I made you remember. I gave you and this bastard that dream. Good ole Benji here fought it. You didn't. You're tainted now. You're my slave. You'll do anything I want you to, I just have to manipulate you. Thank you for making it easy. Thank you for making it so simple for me to control you. You're so see-through Neville. I know you. I know every inch of you and there's nothing you can do. You never fought back. You're weak, you're a coward, and now you'll pay. Now you'll suffer like I want you to. Now you'll get what you deserve for never trying to resist me. But now you see, don't you? Now you see that there's no point any more? That you're too late? You can't stop me now. You might have been able to when I was five but not anymore. I'm too powerful. I understand you and there's no use defying me. All your recent efforts are futile. You see now, don't you? I got you in the end. I got you the way you and I both knew I would. You're so small and insignificant. You're so stupid and timid and short and transparent that I got you. Understand? I got you."

Adeline smiled again as she let her words sink in before she continued. "You were weak. You were stupid. Benjamin saw through me. He put two and two together. He knew me, knew my power but unwisely chose not to do anything. He was a spectator. He was smarter than I expected. But you, you, Neville, played your own self right into my hands. You never fought back. You were so blinded by worry that I would tell someone else about your parents that you never did anything. You never realized that you told the last person you should have told. You gave me a handle, a way to exploit you to your full extent. Unfortunately when I did, I also sealed you to me. I could no longer control you like I wanted to. 

"You left, as did Benjamin. I had no outlet for my powers. All the other children were too stupid and naïve. You and Benjamin were not. People may call you a child but you know that they know nothing. Stupid is an arbitrary insult. You are not stupid, Neville, and I will admit to that. You're not naïve. You and Benjamin had experienced things at the age of six that few people do in their lifetime. You and he are both directly linked with insanity. That made you useful. You were both intelligent. I needed someone smart but they also needed to be strong. You proved unworthy when you were six years old. You tore, and were left useless. As I said, you let depression take you. You were too weak. You didn't fight me like I thought you would. Your cowardice saved you.

"I was alone for many years, passed from house to house. I learned many things of the Dark Arts from the families I stayed with. Macnair, Goyle, they all helped me to be what I am now. But none helped as much as the Malfoy family did. I new Draco from the baby-sitter, of course, and he fell in love with me. I suppose I did love him too, but I was in Ravenclaw and expected to be devoid of any interest in the Dark Arts, so I was not allowed to be seen with him. I stayed at his house last summer and we…well, we almost crossed the line. I told him afterward that we should slow down, I mean I was only 13 at the time! He got mad at me and hasn't spoken to me since. I fear that he hates me…I miss him…"

Neville looked at her, confused. Adeline had just spilt her life story to him, along with the latest details of her love life. Her wild grin had faded and she was gazing nostalgically at the ground in front of her when she shook her head quickly. "Wh-what am I telling you this for? You wouldn't understand. No one would ever love you. No one ever has. You're too easy to figure out. No one cares about you! Everyone hates you!" she shouted, her face suddenly twisted with fury.

Neville tried as hard as he could to mask his emotions but he couldn't do it. They showed as clearly as if he had told her out loud. "No they don't. And you can't control me," he finally spat. "If you could I would be sitting on that bench like a zombie. But I'm not. I'm standing here arguing with you."

Adeline's scowl became more villainous yet. "No, you're not sitting here like a zombie. You are contaminated, as I said. I can't use you for what I first wanted to, but no matter. I can use Benji just as well."

"How am I contaminated?" Neville asked fiercely, though moving back a step. Her evil glare was frightening.

"You're depressed. Your mind is stoppered to me by the one thing that I cannot get past. Depression blocks me out. It's a weakness, and I need someone strong. I can't use just anyone. You are, yet again, unsatisfactory."

"Ha!" Neville laughed dryly. "So I'm not your slave! And you can't control me!"

"No, I can't, not anymore," she snarled, with such bitterness that Neville took another step backwards. "That's why you're going to suffer. Who knows? Once I'm done with you, you may even be living with your parents again!"

"Wait," Neville said, honestly confused. "So you know about my parents, but yesterday you said that my deepest desire was to be taller."

"Of course, you fool. It was so that you would think I was a fake, so that you wouldn't worry about me. That way I could get to Benji without having to worry about you."

"Stop calling him Benji," Neville said defensively.

"I'll call him what I want. Whatever I do he enjoys it anyways. See? I'll take him out of his trance." She snapped her fingers and he fell forward onto her. With a small grunt she pushed him up and he sat straight. His eyes came into focus and he looked around.

"Where am I?" he said, thickly. He spied Adeline and smiled. "Adeline!" he exclaimed, and scooted closer. Neville looked horrified.

"Benjamin, what are you doing? You just warned me about her last night!"

Benjamin looked blankly at Neville. "I did? Well, she can't be all bad, can she?" he said in the same obtuse manner.

"What? This person has never done anything good for you!"

"Yes she has." Benjamin smacked his lips stupidly. "She just fixed me."

"What do you mean 'fixed'?" Neville asked poisonously.

"Well, I was broken before, wasn't I?"

"What?" Neville looked confused and then once realization took hold he looked like he was at a sad loss. "No no, you weren't broken. You were fine, you were wonderful, you were…" Neville trailed off, his face broken into an expression of desperation.

"See?" Adeline said venomously. "He's under my control."

"How could you do this? Benjamin, don't listen to her!" Neville shouted.

Benjamin stood up. "I'll listen to her if I want to!" he snapped back, coherence apparently just dawning on him. "I'm going to go wash my hands now!"

Adeline looked worried, while Neville looked triumphant. "See? She hasn't cured you! You're still obsessive-compulsive!"

"No I'm not," Benjamin said, making Adeline smile. "My hands are just dirty. I want to wash them. Good bye!" he said defiantly, and then stomped off.

"I don't understand…" Neville wondered sadly out loud. "He was coming to find me last night…"

"Come on Neville, you aren't this asinine. I sent him to find you. I gave you and him that dream so that you both came wandering out at night. I waited in the Ravenclaw common room until he came down from his dormitory. I took temporary control then and made him warn you about me. It was that simple."

"So did you 'fix' him, huh? Did you cure his obsessive-compulsiveness?" Neville asked savagely. 

Adeline laughed. "Of course not! You think I can do something about that when many great wizards have tried and failed? No…he just thinks he's cured."

All this time Adeline had been sitting on the bench while Neville had been standing and suddenly he stepped forward and shoved her. With a screech she toppled onto the grass. "How dare you?" he said, so angry he was short of breath. "How dare you pervert the only thing that a person holds as their own? How dare you change his mind like that? How dare you do that to someone so innocent?"

Adeline pulled herself up, her hair a mess and her face livid. "Go away. Go anywhere!" she said, flinging her arm in gesture. "Go anywhere as long as you are not near me." Her mouth curved into a malignant smile. "Just stay away from the bathrooms. You don't want to run into Benjamin while he's washing his hands." She gave a malicious laugh as Neville walked away.

* * *

Once Neville got in the castle he avoided most people and headed straight for the nearest bathroom. As Adeline said, Benjamin was there and of course, he was washing his hands. They were pink and raw from his scrubbing and his face contorted with concentration.

"What are you doing?" Neville asked for lack anything better to say.

Benjamin continued to scrub without looking up. "What does it look like I'm doing?" he snapped before his cover fell and his usual look of torment resurfaced. "I can't get them clean! They're still dirty!"

Neville stepped forward and, just as a large piece of skin tore off and fell into the sink, pushed Benjamin's hands away from the sink. "Your hands are clean. I promise." They both watched silently as the chunk of skin was pushed against the drain and finally spiraled out of sight. Benjamin's face twisted with pain as blood gushed down the sink, conjoining with the water and tingeing it pale pink.

Benjamin shook his head, getting hysterical. "Yes! No! I mean, I know they are, but I don't believe myself! But…wait! They…they are…no they're not! They're…I don't know!"

Neville took a deep breath. "It's okay, Benjamin, it's okay. I do know. Okay, now look. Breathe in, and then out. It'll be okay. Look at me. Tell yourself again that your hands are clean. There is nothing on your hands, and if you don't stop soon there won't even be skin. Tell yourself. You can stop. You can stop anytime you want. You can stop right now if you want, and I know you do."

Benjamin gazed pleadingly at Neville before looking down at his still scrubbing hands for a long time. Finally, he pulled them out from under the faucet and turned the water off. For a moment, his face was triumphant until suddenly, he gasped and sank to the floor as if fainting, ending up on his back, his gray eyes wide with a look of mingled fury and confusion.

Neville looked euphorically down at him, ignoring the fact that he had just regressed to the ground and that he was looking at him with hatred. "You did it. You did it, Benjamin. You conquered your compulsions. You reined over your disease. You've won. That's all it took." Neville stuck a hand down to help him up but Benjamin slapped it away with his bloodied hand and immediately cried out in pain. Neville looked confusedly down at him.

"Get away from me," Benjamin growled. "Adeline's right, everyone does hate you. I hate you too. I was never obsessive-compulsive, my hands are just never clean. You're wrong. Get away from me." Benjamin stood up and walked to the sink, wincing as he turned the spigot with his bloody hand. Within a few moments, his hands had regained what little pinkness they had lost during his momentary freedom. Neville watched, bewildered. This was not the Benjamin that had just gleefully ridden himself of his life-long ailment. Something had changed, something had made him faint and relapse. Neville knew only one person who could do that without being there, and angrily he cursed Adeline.

Sadly, Neville left the bathroom, gazing back at Benjamin before leaving. Alone he trudged up to Gryffindor tower, still missing something. For one glorious moment he had thought that he would have his missing part back, that Benjamin was the puzzle piece that he needed, but he had again been denied that one component. He was still only part of a person. Neville was incomplete.


End file.
